When I Cry More than I Laugh

Today I woke up thinking of Homer; my best friend who died 5 years ago this Saturday, which is weird to think of and had me in a pretty down kind of mood. I really was sad going to school today. I miss him dearly. I miss laughing with him and telling him all the things that are going on in my life.  I miss tasting tequila with him, and thinking of the day that I heard that he was gone makes me want to crawl in bed and cry. So I prayed. That is what I do when I feel like that these days. I used to actually lay in bed all day and not do a thing when I felt like this before. But today was different.

I prayed for God to be with me and show me where I needed to be and what I needed to do. And I offered it all up for the salvation of Homer’s soul. Because I’m Catholic and that is what Catholics do when we are sad, or stressed, or anything. Any suffering we go through, we offer it up. Being Catholic does not mean that we no longer have bad days, or that we are no longer sad. Even Jesus wept. It’s part of being human.

I also asked God to let me have a glimpse at what He sees and how much He loves. So today when my Spanish Professor decided that she would use my presentation of Catholic Saints from Spain as a springboard to bash the Church, I got mad and sad all at the same time. Why? Because so many people have no clue who God is and how much He loves them. And God answered my prayer and I saw that.  It’s not a small amount of people. As I look around I see so many people who can easily fall in this group. Me included.

God has done great things for me. He has given me a life that I could only dream of. Kids that is so smart that most people are in awe of them. A home that is so beautiful and so full of His presence that sparky aka the evil one, tries everything he can to get me to doubt that God even exists.  Some days he wins that battle.

I have this horrible ache in my heart for people who have no idea what they are missing out on. I can’t explain it in any other way than to say that I have joy, even when I’m crying. I no longer cry for myself, I cry for everyone else. I know where I am and where I’m going. How sad it is not to  know that . Or to try to make ourselves think we are going to Heaven but not really KNOW if that is where we are going.

If we never ask ourselves what we believe and how we know what we believe is true then we are just following someone else’s ideology. Not our own belief. I find it ironic that most people will accuse Catholics of this all while doing it themselves. I know where I’m heading, and I hope I get there. I know because I’ve asked the hard questions. I read the Bible and I believe that the God in that Bible is telling the truth. In all things, including what He says about Hell, and if someone says that they aren’t going to hell then they are saying the God of the Bible is a liar. What is the point in following a god you think is lying?

I don’t get that at all. I know that the God I worship does not lie. That is why I know that when I am suffering that He is with me. That He knows what I am going through. Because it says that in the Bible, and  God does not lie. Jesus suffered more than any of us on this Earth will ever suffer, but He always followed the Will of His Father. And so will I, I hope.

So on this day when I have cried more than I have laughed I praise my Lord, who suffered before me and paved the way for me to go Home to Heaven to be with my Father.  I pray that my Homie don’t ya know me will get there and will be waiting for me.


One thought on “When I Cry More than I Laugh

  1. You remind me to be better – thanks – I often don’t have this much patience… and that teacher? She would have gotten an earful, and then I would have been sorry later that I forgot charity.


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