I didn’t write my post for yesterday. I just simply didn’t feel like writing anything. All day long I had this horrible feeling. I didn’t really know what it was, but I just wanted to chill. I spent the afternoon and evening talking to my kids. We watched and X-Men movie and we had dinner and talked and laughed. My kids are the funniest people on the planet.
So, I’ll try to write another post today to make up for it.
I’ve really been touched by Father Gregory’s book “Tattoos on the Heart”. Shaken to my core kind of touched. What this man does for the people in his neighborhood is so amazing.
The one thing that is in all of his stories is how people who live the life that his Homies live are still people. They are still loved by God and they are still worthy of love.
There are a lot of people who live and have no concept of what love is.
When I was in the worst of my sins, I felt that way. I also had this nagging voice telling me that I didn’t deserve love that God didn’t love me and that I didn’t belong in a Church among the “good people”. I wake up with that voice telling me all those things every day still. Even after everything that I’ve been through, that voice will not shut up.
The only thing that keeps me from caving to the voice is the love of my husband, kids, and all the things that Fr. J and Noe told me when I was wrestling with God. Both of those men met me where I was. No demands, no lectures, no “truth in love” telling me how retched that I was. They gave me nothing but love. They didn’t condone any of my sins, even when I sat there and told them that I thought the Church was wrong on sex, abortion and gay marriage. Even then, they didn’t lecture me. Instead they told me that Jesus loved me and everyone else regardless of our sins. They talked to me about Jesus and when I fell in love with Him, the rest made sense. It didn’t happen over night. It took time. Even when I was confirmed I didn’t agree with the Church on abortion or gay marriage. It was a process.
Had I been met with “This is what is right, accept it or leave” I would not have stayed. I would not have learned what I know to be true now. Even if they had said that because it was true and because they felt that they had to tell me that out of love.
Love does not condone sin, it heals it. And sometimes the only way to truly love someone is to accept them as they are. Even if how they are is wrong. Why? Because a lot of broken people have never had that. They have never had anyone accept them just as they are.
In the story of the Prodigal Son, the father didn’t give the son a list of demands before accepting him back home. He hugged him and took him in, as he was. He didn’t ask him “Where have you been? What have you done? Do you regret that? Do you promise to never do it again?” no, he just took him back in his arms and told him that he was loved.
I think that sometimes people tend to want to put conditions on things because it is safe. Or it helps them make their point and makes them feel like they are right. But we are not called to be right, we are called to love.
Maybe there are people doing things that are wrong and maybe it’s because they have never been taught or shown what love really is. You can’t make the point of what love is by making them feel rejected. We have to realize that sometimes that is exactly what we do and then we excuse it by claiming to be speaking the truth in love. Well, for it to be love the person that you are speaking the truth to has to feel loved ,not rejected. Otherwise, you are doing it wrong. It’s that simple.
Nobody ever left Jesus feeling rejected by Him. Plenty of people rejected HIM, but never did He reject anyone. It’s not His thing.
People label others as “lost”, yeah will if they are lost then guess what? Jesus is seeking them. The question is, are we going to help Him find them or are we going to make being right more important and reject them?
I want to help Jesus find them.
I was not made to live in the safe suburbs. I’m really considering moving back to the hood and showing people who are hurting that someone loves them without asking anything from them in return. In fact, I’ve told God that if that is what He wants from me to open the door and I will happily walk right through it. I am tired of debating these things on Facebook. Those debates help nobody. I want to roll up my sleeves and work. Not really, I’m lazy, but I want to change the world, not just talk about it.
I have a crazy feeling that He will not open anything until I finish my book, so I’m giving up the internet for Lent so I can get that done by Easter.
Please pray for me.