I checked out a few links that were feeding into my blog today and I saw a theme: a warning about the fact that I cuss. While I am not offended at all by that warning, I do feel like maybe I need to explain why I find it ok to cuss on my blog posts.
I think everyone should be warned because not everyone is down with the cuss words. I had a lady tell me that she feels physical pain when she hears/reads cuss words. I have a Christian duty to respect others and give her the benefit of the doubt that she is telling the truth. (I didn’t say that sarcastically in my head at all)
When I started this blog I didn’t even know what a blog really was or what the mission of this blog was. It took me three years to even know what to write on the About Me page. I thought it was a place where I could write the things that pop in my head (get on my soapbox) and that would be that. I have always known that God is calling me to tell my story of faith ; of how I became Catholic and how I went from a life of drinking and sleeping around to a life of praying rosaries (not as much as I should) and talking about Jesus. But I had no idea how this blog would fit into that at all. I just started writing. There have been times when I don’t write as much as I should because I spend way too much time on Facebook and there are times when I write posts about sex that I wish I could just take down because it attracts creeps (for realz).
What I have come to understand is that this world is full of people who are sick of being bullshitted. They are tired of the fronts, they are tired of getting the Leave it to Beaver type view of every single blogger’s life and they are tired of feeling like they are failing. Mostly women and I was one of them. I have walked around my entire life wondering why my mother is so obsessed with cleaning and I finally get that it’s all about appearances. If the house is sparkling and smells like bleach, then that means everyone will think that everything is put together. Even if it’s not. Somewhere deep down I have lived most of my life rebelling against that idea because I knew that everything was not put together and no amount of bleach would change what I had gone through as a child.
When I started reading blogs I only read a handful of them where I felt that the blogger was going through what I was going through. I get that not everybody is called to lay their naked soul out on their blogs and that a lot of them simply aren’t coming from the same place that I came from. I am not saying anything bad about them at all, in fact I know now that some of my favorite bloggers just are private people. I respect that because my husband is a private person, I get it. I’m just saying that I didn’t see where I fit into this new life of Catholic wife and mother among the recipes, cleaning tips and other things for many reasons. I still am very aware that I do not fit in with other Catholic Mommy blogs. I’m ok with it, not everyone is made to fit in plus it helps me deal with my own issues because nobody makes me feel unwelcome (sure, I feel a little shade here and there, but that’s life) so I really need to pinpoint where that feeling comes from and deal with it for myself. However, when it comes to this blog, I will keep it real because that is the only way to be in my opinion, even if I sometimes look like a fool.
Jesus respects authenticity because it is an act of faith and honesty. Faith that He loves me as I am, that I can not work for His love and I can’t earn my way to Heaven. It’s honest because it is coming out from behind the bushes. When God went to the garden to find Adam and Eve, they had hid themselves because they were ashamed of what they had done. I’ve been ashamed for a very long time and I have hidden parts of myself from God after converting hoping that He wouldn’t notice. Welllllll He does notice. Duh! Now I realize that there is no part of me that I can hide from Him, and He sure does appreciate it when I trust Him enough to be honest with Him about who I am, even if He already knows. That is part of being in a relationship.
When I write, I just go. I have found that if I take time to write outlines and edit my posts that nobody reads them. NOBODY. But when I just write and don’t really worry about a lot of things except enough editing so that I don’t look like a complete idiot, those post go nuts. I get emails and messages from all kinds of people saying that they love them. That just validates to me that the best thing for me to do is to keep it real. Which means that sometimes cuss words are the only words that fit in with what I’m trying to say. And honestly, in the real world, Catholics cuss. I know, ya’ll might have to sit down to believe that, but it’s true.
I honestly have no intention of scandalizing anyone nor do I want to make it seem like cussing is the greatest way to bring Glory to God, but it is how I express myself at times. I also don’t mean to upset anyone, but that is why you are free to not read this blog and go find yoself (not a typo) another blog to read. Or a book. Whatever, but you don’t have to expose yourself to my writing if it upsets you. I’m just gonna do me.