Why I can Call Her Caitlyn

He who busies himself with the sins of others, or judges his brother on suspicion, has not yet even begun to repent or to examine himself so as to discover his own sins, which are truly heavier than a great lump of lead; nor does he know why a man becomes heavyhearted when he loves vanity and chases after falsehood (cf. Ps. 4:2). That is why, like a fool who walks in darkness, he no longer attends to his own sins but lets his imagination dwell on the sins of others, whether these sins are real or merely the products of his own suspicious mind.
He who busies himself with the sins of others, or judges his brother on suspicion, has not yet even begun to repent or to examine himself so as to discover his own sins, which are truly heavier than a great lump of lead; nor does he know why a man becomes heavyhearted when he loves vanity and chases after falsehood (cf. Ps. 4:2). That is why, like a fool who walks in darkness, he no longer attends to his own sins but lets his imagination dwell on the sins of others, whether these sins are real or merely the products of his own suspicious mind.

This is the thing about the entire Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner thing for me: I can respect a person while still holding on to my Catholic faith. I can say “her” and not lose any part of who I am as a Catholic woman who allows Jesus to be the Lord of my life.  I can disagree that gender reassignment is a way to true authentic happiness for Caitlyn and still respect the person she is by calling her what she wants to be called. Why? Because I am not stupid enough to think that whatever I write in this blog post, on my Facebook wall or anywhere is going to change whatever Caitlyn Jenner does, any more than a surgery is going to change who God made when Bruce/Caitlyn was created. And because I expect for people to call me what I want to be called.

I also know how many people in my circle of real life friends who are gay, transgender, transvestite, or any other of the many other sexual identities. I also know what those people have done for me in my life. For some people the only gay person they know is someone they have passed online whether on Facebook, Twitter or in their combox.  For me, homosexuality has a face, a face of someone that I love in real life. Someone who is seeking God every single day.

There were moments in my life when I was seeking God the best that I could, which wasn’t really good at all, and He has made it clear to me that He was always trying to get through to me during those times. Every man that I slept with was me taking one more step towards Jesus. I don’t really understand how Grace works, except to say that I know it was only by absolute Grace that God allowed any of those mistakes to end up being worth anything. As I sit here, I know that had it not been for them, I would not be that Catholic that I am today. I would not be able to look at people like Jenner and see that search for God. That search for happiness. St. Augustine said that the search for happiness is what all human beings have in common.

Some of us have to fall for the false sense of happiness before we turn back to God. If it looks like we aren’t searching to you, that doesn’t matter. All the times that I sat at a bar so wasted that I didn’t know where my car where, plenty of people said that I was not seeking God and that I was surely destined for hell.  Joke was on them because I was already in hell and I was looking for a way out. People telling me that I was sinning did nothing to help me find it. When the moment came, Jesus found me and showed me the way out. The priest who ended up having to deal with me gave me the right combo of love and truth which led me to know for myself that Jesus lives and that this is His Church.

There are days when I am still attracted to the darkness, especially when fellow Catholics call me names and tell me how much I am falling short. But I have already tasted hell, so I just hold on to the feet of Christ for dear life. He is my Savior, and no matter what is said to me or about me, He loves me. The only thing that I can do is love those in my life and show them that no matter what they have done, how far they have gone or what anyone else says, God loves them more than they think He does.

If you wonder why it is that people who have the issues that Caitlyn Jenner has, don’t come to the Catholic Church and instead choose to mutilate their bodies and fall for the applause of the world, just look at the rude comments coming from the mouths and keyboards of “good” Catholics.  We are the reason the world doesn’t know Jesus. We fail to pass on the mercy and kindness that we find in the confessional because we think that our sins aren’t as bad as other’s sins. If the world doesn’t know Who Love is, it is because We have failed to proclaim Him with our lives. And yet, so many of us aren’t paying attention to our own faults but loudly pointing out the faults of others.

I have my own sins, brokenness, selfishness, anger, vanity and jealousy to even begin to worry about the sins of anyone else. I am fighting my own war within my soul. I wake up every day working out my own salvation in trembling and fear because I honestly do know that any moment Jesus can call me home and I’ll be screwed. One minute I could be on Facebook telling someone to go fuck themselves and the next I could be in front of Jesus thinking “oh shit. Rude.” That is a very real possibility for me, so I have to spend every second of every day fighting my own broken disordered self, and that takes up a lot of my time. More power to those who are holier than me to sit around and discuss people they don’t know and who they have no influence of because their souls are in order to meet Jesus.

If I ever get bored working out my own salvation, being a mother of 7 children and a wife will keep me busy. I have enough in my neck of the woods to deal with. From here, I can say that I hope that Caitlyn Jenner finds Christ and that her children will come to understand that false happiness isn’t the same as authentic happiness which can only be found in the Objective Truth that is God. But all I can do about that is pray. Pray that God has the same mercy on Jenner as I hope He has on me one day.

When it comes to those in my life who are not Catholic, all I can do is try my best not to be an asshole so that when they do have questions, they know that they can come to me and I will answer them. I will answer why I don’t support gay marriage, why I don’t support sex change surgery and why I think that Caitlyn will end up feeling just as depressed as she did a few months ago when all the surgeries are over and the media have moved on to the next story.


16 thoughts on “Why I can Call Her Caitlyn

  1. Hello again. I am Quaker.

    After my operation, I thought about how I would feel if I had to have my toe amputated. It was a horrible idea. I could learn to cope, if, say, the bones were crushed and there was no way to save it; but even my little toe. Horrible. Yet with my operation, I felt greater joy than ever before, in the office of my psychiatrist when he dictated a letter recommending it.

    Of course objective truth is the same, of course I remain the person God created, yet I feel liberated by God to be truly me, from the lies told in my culture and the churches, lies about LGBT that our difference was a bad thing. Just as you drank and slept around, so I tried to make a man of myself- and God freed me from that.


  2. Can I honestly ask you something? If “being a man” is a gender role then how is “being a woman” because you don’t fit that gender role, breaking gender roles? I really am not being snarky, I want to understand. I don’t think that being a certain way makes anyone a man, it’s biological, likes, dislikes and such are a whole different thing. Why doesn’t it take surgery to be who God made you when he made you a certain way? Again, no snark, I really would like to understand.

    I slept around because I was trying to find love the way that I was told to find love. I was following the “rules” of how to be an empowered woman and I found myself lost and depressed. It has only been in realizing that I am worth more than that, because I am made for God, that I have found freedom. Everything that I was fighting my entire life, Catholicism, was what I found to be true when I looked into it myself and read the Catechism.


  3. I don’t hear snark in you. I do perceive the Christian love, and I am glad you feel able to be courteous with names and pronouns.

    I don’t feel, now, that I am in a gender role. I am expressing myself as authentically as I may, though that is within my culture and with expressions I see in others. A friend told me how she saw I was acting when presenting male, just me when expressing myself female. I did try to play a role, joining the Territorial Army, taking an intellectual profession because frightened of feelings.

    Did you mean “why does it take surgery”? I don’t come here just to drive you to my blog, but I have two posts on that, homosexual transsexuals and lingering resentment.


  4. So this is what I have to say to you to get you to respond to my posts! Interesting.

    No, it is not a compliment. I will not call him “Caitlyn.” And you shouldn’t either. The reason is very simple. This very small contingent of people are striving to get the world to in some way admit to them that they are normal people. We cannot do that. We must stand for what is normal and what God has ordained, and in order to do that, when the abnormal appears, we must treat it as such. Which means that when I am approached by a man who has mutilated himself and insists upon trying to get all around him to treat him as normal in that state by addressing him as a female, I simply cannot do that.

    You don’t call an SS officer in Nazi Germany a Boy Scout. And you don’t call a male by female name because his distorted emotions, which need healing, insist that you do. Reality is reality, dear.

    It is not being mean, although those sympathetic to Bruce will say so. It is being true to the truth of God, His Creation, and what reality is.

    Does this mean that I have the right to call Bruce names, to act superior to him, or to be a world-class jerk if I was to meet him (which would be, quite frankly, darn uncomfortable). No. Charity must rule. But charity is always based in truth, and to call Bruce by a female name is doing him no favors.

    Thus, I believe you are in error with your post and I believe that you should insist upon calling him Bruce, which is his male, given name.

    PS Could you clarify for me what the point is in dropping the “F-Bomb” in your posts? I understand that you wish to present yourself in a real way — with all the warts that we human beings share — but I don’t think it is helpful to you and it may put off some people who really need to hear from you because you are a real, struggling human being like the rest of us. I think that’s the attraction of your blogs, but I really don’t know that the “F-Bomb” needs to be used for you to express the realness of your struggles.

    God Bless You — REAL GOOD!


  5. So basically you wanna tell me what I should and shouldn’t do?

    I drop fBombs in real life, it’s how I talk and think and write. People who don’t like it can find plenty of other bloggers who don’t do it, there are plenty to choose from. 🙂


  6. Wow, dear! Why the venom? Did I call you names or do any other thing than suggest that perhaps this is not in your best spiritual interest?

    BTW — I also, when I get angry, use the “F-Bomb” under my breath. I am not looking down on you. I am a fellow traveler who also struggles with many of the same issues which you have posted regarding yourself. That was what drew me to your blog initially and keeps me reading, even though you have ignored all my responses up to this point.

    My suggestion was not as a holier-than-thou looking down on you, but as a fellow struggler on life’s sometimes tortuous path. I’m afraid you took it as the first. It was not meant that way nor intended to be such.


  7. I have to respectfully disagree. Love does not require us to deal in unreality. Bruce Jenner is a man, not a woman. We can be kind, compassionate, patient, loving, and more without giving credibility to a lie. Love rejoices in the truth, not in a lie. He is a very troubled man who needs help and healing. I cannot call him something he’s not.


  8. Mr. Jenner is -as pointed in the post- on a journey that surely many people do not understand. And if we want to bring Christ’s love to others like him, we have to be bold, truthful and faithful.

    I could never call him anything but his name out of respect for him, for God’s creation and because I won’t take a stab at his children and stepchildren, who have been put in this wild ride of having this situation turned into a media circus like it or not.

    I cannot contribute to thickening the veil that prevents him from seeing in the mirror the man our Loving Father created him to be.

    I will respect Mr. Jenner, I would treat him with charity and compassion if I ever met him and I would never call him names, Caitlyn included.


  9. Is calling Pope Francis, Francis calling him “names”? That isn’t the name his mother gave him. He changed it from Jorge to Francis when he became Pope, so is that wrong?


  10. You really don’t understand, dear. The change in Pope Francis name is a legitimate change which does not represent activities to which our Catholic faith is opposed. It is the same as me using my penname for my writing – Patrick Seamus O’Hara. It does not represent doing something that is intrinsically wrong.

    Bad comparison. Apples to oranges.

    I have been thinking about how I would respond if I were to be introduced to Bruce and have to have a conversation with him. I would simply refuse to use his name…either one. That solves the problem for me.


  11. I do understand, it’s left to you because you agree with it. That’s not how logic works. Rappers go by nicknames, people go by names other than the ones their moms face them, I don’t say my name the way people think it should be said. My kids go by their middle names. People go by other names other than the ones given to them at birth.


  12. I agree. Charity cannot be opposed to truth. No matter what, Jenner will never be a she. And calling Jenner “she” is not only an offense against truth, but also therefore an offense against charity. It is uncharitable to confirm someone else in their sin or in their delusion.

    That being said, charity would also call us to not call a person undue pain and discomfort, something that is very real for many transgender-identifying people when faced with the words of their birth-gender. We may not be able to truthfully call Jenner “she,” but we can avoid “he.” We may not be able to call Jenner a woman, but we can avoid “man.”


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