I had such a good post in my head while taking a shower and then it all went right out the window when I got online and checked the “news” aka Facebook. I ended up in a conversation about Michael Voris and that always ends up badly because people who defend bat shit crazy, are usually bat shit crazy. Then I thought of a way to come up with a check list for people to see if they are bat shit crazy and that failed because then I started to realize that you have to be a little bat shit crazy to even be Catholic. Being Catholic isn’t for pansies and you have to believe some crazy things but you also have to be aware of yourself and know if you are about to go over the edge. If you are a Voris fan, you have gone over the edge. Don’t let anyone lie to you, you are over it my friend.
I’ve been thinking about how American Catholics don’t really seem to realize that we are not the most welcome group in the USA and how we don’t really ever acknowledge that too loudly. There is a reason that American Catholicism is where it is today and that’s because for a long time we just smiled, waved and blended in so that we wouldn’t attract any attention. We wanted to be Catholic “in peace” and we have been and it shows. We are comfortable. And when we aren’t comfortable, we lose our minds. Like when it comes to abortion supporting civil leaders being involved with the Pope’s visit. Dude, they have to be involved, it’s their job. So we have the two camps: the comfortable camp and the I-can’t-even camp. Both rooted in fear and neither rooted in faith in Jesus. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just trying to figure out how not to end up in hell for flipping people off in traffic.
The only way to know for sure if you are bat shit crazy is to answer one question: are you human? If the answer is yes , then you are in fact bat shit crazy. Now, someone start a support group.
Speaking of support groups, I love Al-anon. It has been a gift to me even though I hated the idea of going to 12 step meetings and I hated everything about it when I began, I now see what a blessing the last year of meetings has been in my life. I always used St. Monica as an example of how I was loving my husband and kids and then I began working on my codependency. That’s when I realized that St. Monica never gave up who she was in order to get her husband or her son to do what she wanted them to do and she never acted out of fear. She knew exactly what God could do and what Augustine could do and she prayed. That’s it. She loved both her son and husband, even in their brokenness, even when it hurt her and she prayed. She never gave up her faith or her dignity. I have done both and then been resentful about it before. She is the true example of love rooted in faith rather than rooted in fear.
A year ago I set out to begin The Red Door Foundation which would be a house on a street that is known as hooker central, where I would feed people and help them in any way that I could. I really thought that it was a call from God and I still want to do it so bad that I cry when I think about how it’s not happening. I don’t know what God’s plan is but it’s not me living in a house in the ghetto making breakfast tacos for hookers, not right now anyway. I never got any donations and even though I had a ton of people say they thought it was a great idea, it just never happened. The doors never opened. God is bonkers. There is no clear cut way to know what exactly His plans for us are. None. We have to just abandon ourselves into His hands and wait. Do you know how hard that is?! Who knows, we are pretty close to being homeless, so maybe that is part of the plan. Rude.
Don’t be fooled by that last one, God has plenty of things for me to do. I’m in school (it’s SO HARD but I love it) which is teaching me how to work hard. Surprise: that doesn’t come natural to me. I’m writing a book proposal for a special book project and a memoir (so working one two books). I have a daily radio show (which I suck at because I have to figure out what to say all day and not sound like an idiot), I was a guest on Jennifer Fulwiler’s show and am planning on being on her show again on September 3rd, I blog and there’s one other thing that is barely in the beginning stages so I can’t really say anything about it. I also help with RCIA at my parish and have a family to keep alive. So yeah, it’s not like I’m bored or anything.
Social media can make us all a little nuts. One thing that I’ve learned about myself and others is that we tend to put people in boxes. We think that because we have read about a lot of their lives on their blogs and then Facebook statuses and Tweets and have seen their pictures on Instagram that we know them. But really what we know is our own perception of them, not who they are. We don’t need to know who they are either. We need to know who we are, Who God is and who those in are circles are. Everyone else in the world are there to learn from, not to be our best friends. It’s also very important for us to watch our perception of people we read and follow because if we decide that someone is the worst person ever, then anything they do becomes part of their evil plan to be the worst person ever. Same if we think someone is the best person ever. Everyone is human, the same as we are. They have good days and bad day. They have good traits and bad traits. We aren’t going to like everyone and everyone isn’t going to like us. That’s ok. It really is. We all have gifts from God to accomplish a mission that is just for us. If something someone writes helps you find those gifts, then great but if what someone writes only fuels your anger, then stop reading them. Even if it is me. Nothing is worth losing your peace over, especially a blog post. And if you do like my writing, then I am thankful for that but please do not make me into someone I am not. I am a sinner, I am a failure and I am not perfect. I need prayers every single chance that I can get them.