Maybe, and I know this is a wild opinion, we need to go back to talking about what a huge responsibility it is to raise and educate your children (both are the responsibility of the parents and not anyone else) which is why having them is such a huge decision to make, and therefore, sex comes with huge consequences. Especially for women, who have always and will always, bear the brunt of that responsibility even if there are those one or two cases where the woman marries a man who is perfect.
We have to stop thinking that we are going to live in the same circumstances through our children’s lives as we do when we conceive them and also stop conceiving babies without caring about what it will look like to raise them forever (because parenting goes beyond them just being 18. It even goes beyond death. It is 7am and I am awake because I have to go mulch my dead son’s grave.) and raising them in the least ideal circumstances.
Having kids and getting married have become these wishful thinking endeavors and the reality is that both of them suck and come with a great amount of stress and responsibility and while it is just for the world to give a fuck about you and your kids, the truth is that it does not. Nobody cares about your childcare needs just like you do not care about the needs of a mother in some other country who is struggling just as much and most likely way more than you are. It is up to you as the parent to survive and to make good choices for your family. Or at least the best ones you can with what you have. There may be no good choices as a parent, we just all do what we can. And by “you”, I mean Mothers because, again even though there are like two great husbands in the world, the brunt of child-rearing falls on women. Is it fair? No. But it is reality and the best way to prepare for shit hitting the fan is to live in reality. It is not fair that my kid killed himself but that is my reality and I have no choice but to live in it.
You have to create a community of people to help you when shit hits the fan, and it will ALWAYS hit the fan. it could be a divorce or death or a global pandemic or you are too depressed to give a shit about what your kids are eating for dinner or you end up addicted to pain pills or any other shit hitting the fan scenarios you can think of. The point is that we cannot keep pushing the idea that you can just have kids without a community around you and that it will all be fine because schools are free or you and your husband will never get a divorce or you or your husband won’t ever die or end up in addiction rehab. that is not how life goes. Life comes with crisis. That is the one thing I have learned in the last 12 years. The only way to ensure that it does not come with crisis is to cut yourself off from others and live with 47 cats that you like but won’t miss when they die. (I know there are at least three of you feeling attacked by that and I am sorry, but it is true and I love you three weirdos anyway)
So to recap: Prepare for crisis. Life is hard. If you do not know that yet and are barely discovering this and you’re an adult responsible for other human beings, I am sorry nobody told you. May the odds be ever in your favor.